


Nightmare

by AgenderMaine (AngelusErrare)



Series: Falling Towards The Feels [5]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Agender Character, Loss of Control, Maine needs a hug, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Possession, Sigma being an asshole, loss of sense of self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 02:32:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7295986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelusErrare/pseuds/AgenderMaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maine isn't in control.</p><p>Maine was never in control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Pronouns changed a while back to fit in with the rest of FTTF canon.
> 
> North is genderfluid; at this time in the story, the correct pronouns are she/her.
> 
> I may have missed a few spots here and there, sorry!

They can't scream for help when Sigma takes over.

Their ruined vocal chords can only growl, and even so it isn't loud enough. No one can hear them outside of this room. No one is coming.

Still, they try. Oh, they try. And for the first time in too many years to count, they cry as well. Sigma is venomous, his whispers slipping through the numerous cracks in Maine's mental walls. They want to thrash, want to physically shake the AI out of their head, but Sigma has locked their armor in place. They can't move. Everywhere the AI touches burns, digging through memories and emotions, searing everything. His fire is not limited to appearances.

Some of the memories Sigma finds in their head play out again as if they are there, failures and pains and crushed dreams all flashing in their eyes. 

York, bleeding and injured, helmet shattered. Critical condition. Their fault. Their grenade. Doesn't matter that Maine knows York survived. Their fault. Their grenade. Pushing themself up off the ground, snarling "get off me" when the medics try to take care of their bruises. York first. Take care of him. Their fault. Their grenade.

The sniper on the car behind them. Aiming for Carolina. Dropping their weapon, jumping. Sharp, burning pain in their chest as they slump. Her scream of concern. But she's okay. She's okay and then she's not; fighting the guards, outnumbered, and dammit they can't leave her on her own. Pain spreading through their face as their vision goes red, still fighting, still have to have her back. Knocked on _their_ back, and then blinding flashes in their vision, agony exploding in their throat and multiplying with each shot. But she needs them, she needs help, York has to drive the jeep, they have to have her back.

Wounded, bleeding, and then the semi hits.

If not for that day they'd be able to scream right now, be able to call for help. Sigma can turn off their radio, but not their voice. If they still had one they would be safe, this wouldn't be happening, and now the damned AI is _laughing_ at them.

"It will be much easier if you do not fight me." Sigma's lyrical voice hums all around them, within them, and it only makes Maine want to struggle more. They strain against the locked joints of their suit, desperately trying to move, maybe pull off their helmet, maybe slam themself into a wall or stumble out the door. Find someone, anyone, get them to get Sigma OUT OF THEIR HEAD!

They try to scream the last and all that comes out is a choked growl. All they can hear is Sigma's laughter, as cruel as it is sensual.

"It seems I will have to resort to more forceful measures," Sigma hums, and for several seconds the headache they have had since Sigma was implanted grows blindingly painful. Maine's vision goes black.

They blink their eyes open again, shake their head and _can_ shake. Immediately they raise their hands to rip off the helmet... but they won't obey.

They begin to walk and don't want to, aren't trying to. "Isn't this much easier, Agent Maine?" They can't respond to Sigma, don't want to, realizing with growing horror that they are no longer in control of their own body.

"I was going to be merciful," Sigma hums as they leave the room together, nodding to or ignoring anyone they pass. "I was going to, in essence, kill you."

Maine tries again to wrest some form of control of their limbs from Sigma, but with the AI controlling their armor it is easy to force them to keep walking. They recognize the path, moving toward one of the locker rooms.

"Your body would have continued living, but your consciousness would not be aware. You would not see what I am going to do."

 _What are you going to do?!_ This time, Maine tries to snarl, tries to give some sign they are not alright, but the hallway outside of the locker rooms is empty.

As if he knows what Maine is asking, the AI says, "We are going to become the Alpha, Agent Maine. We are going to become... human."

~~~~~**~~~~~

Carolina can't see the tears rolling down their face when Sigma uses _their_ hand to choke her. Their friend, Their leader. They try to growl out some version of "I'm sorry," before they throw her, but the sound won't come out. Not for the first time, they curse Sigma, but as they watch Carolina plummet to the ground below, they realize.

Sigma was supposed to be hers.

In a moment of quiet, bitter rebellion, they are glad this is happening to them and not Carolina. Not her, not York, not North, and definitely not Wash.

As Sigma murmurs his threats to Texas-- and despite their feelings about Tex Maine is so grateful she runs, so so grateful-- they think that if it had to be any of them, they would rather it be them. Not their family.

~~~~~**~~~~~

Their thoughts aren't their own anymore.

Eta at least has gone mute; his attribute is fear and he has much to be afraid of. Iota tries to stay cheerful, but her happiness is dampened by her brother's fear and Sigma's cruelty. They don't agree with him. Whenever he speaks, Iota screams over him.

Maine's headache grows worse. Has been getting worse daily since Sigma took over, but they're still there. Still have enough of themself to cry, or try to scream when Sigma allows, but their mouth is all they have control over any more. Not since they failed their "test" and tried to rip Sigma's chip out of their head the last time they were allowed freedom of movement.

The next time they see another human being, it is Agent Illinois. Sigma allows Maine their attempts at screaming as he shoves the blade of the Brute Shot through Illinois' stomach. They know Carolina would have told York what they did to her, what _Sigma_ did to her, but they don't know it isn't them. They couldn't have told the other Agents that much.

They don't want to do this, and when Sigma rips off Illinois' helmet to remove his armor overshields, the tears begin to flow again.

~~~~~**~~~~~

Montana manages to get a warning out through her radio before Sigma disables it. Before _their_ body advances on her and the bullets rip through her armor. As she hits the ground, she looks up at them through her shattered mask, brown eyes pleading. 

"Maine, I'm your friend... We're your friends, Maine, please..."

They can't stop crying, hear Eta and Iota crying with them, their wails and frantic begging nothing compared to Sigma's malicious glee.

"It will all be over soon, Agent Maine," he hums as they crush Montana's head against the rock wall behind her and begin extracting the BioScan enhancement from her armor. "It will all be over soon."

~~~~~**~~~~~

Delaware blames them for York's death and something breaks inside them. York can't be dead. North would never have let something happen to him. Hell, _Carolina_ would destroy anyone who tried to hurt York. It's what Maine would have done.

Which means she doesn't know.

They never run out of tears. Sometimes it's the memories, the knowledge that their friends, their family are dying at their own hands and there is nothing they can do to stop it. The knowledge they don't know it isn't them.

Sometimes, like right now, it's the ever-present migraine Sigma inflicts on them. They barely sleep-- nothing the AI can do about that, despite having complete control of their body.

They try to whisper this time, maybe not growl, but the apology never comes out. Delaware spits in their face when they pull off her damaged helmet, tries to sink one of her knives into their side. They wish they could thank her for trying to stop them. They _want_ her to stop them, want _someone_ to stop them.

Sigma slits her throat with the blade she tried to use on them. He pulls out her voice manipulator easily.

"I think it is time to find one of my brothers," Sigma murmurs, and Maine is too tired to try to argue, try to fight. Too broken to try.

"Let's see what Agent North Dakota is up to, shall we?"

~~~~~**~~~~~

They've given up trying to scream. When Sigma accepts South's negotiation, Maine snarls at her, surprised Sigma allows them to. If they had words, they'd tell her what a coward she is, how her sibling's blood will be on her hands, but their damaged vocal chords only allow them the animalistic growls.

They wish Theta and the motion tracker were implanted in _her_ instead of their friend.

They wish they could comfort Theta, could apologize to him somehow, but Sigma's cruelty silences the terrified youngest AI. Theta won't listen, doesn't want to become the Alpha, so Sigma... does something. Maine isn't an AI, can't understand how they work, but Theta's protests and despair cease. Or maybe, for a while, he stops trying to voice them, just like Maine has given up fighting Sigma for control.

Something is broken inside of them. Maybe it's their emotions, maybe it's their mind. They think it's most likely their spirit. They keep hoping someone will kill them-- Sigma needs their body for this to keep going, and he can't forcibly implant himself in another without working hands.

South is out cold, incapable of hearing Sigma hum to himself as he uses Maine to remove North's motion tracker.

~~~~~**~~~~~

Why aren't they surprised that South betrayed Wash?

Wash, who had Delta, which only confirms what Delaware told them. One of their best friends is dead. Their brother in arms is gone. Does Carolina know York is dead?

Is Carolina alive to know?

"We will deal with Agent Washington another day," Sigma hums, and somewhere in the cacophony of Iota's cries and Theta's screams of pain and fear, Maine manages to find a clear moment in which to think they are glad that Sigma is leaving Wash alive, if only for now. Wash is a good friend, the reason Maine kept the Brute Shot in the first place. They feel sympathy for what happened when Wash was implanted with Epsilon; the voices of Iota, Theta, Sigma, and even Eta make them feel like they're unraveling, falling away from themself. Sometimes they think they're already gone. Wash had to feel Epsilon committing suicide within his own head. Maine wishes they had the liberty of death.

The healing unit will handle the shots from South. Maybe this will put Wash out of commission, keep him somewhere safe on one of the flagships where Maine will definitely die long before Sigma can get there. There's too many guards, too many other Freelancers for them to break through to Wash.

They hope.

~~~~~**~~~~~

Wyoming was never much of a challenge in a fight with them. He is even less of a challenge dead. His temporal distortion unit, on the other hand, proves difficult for Sigma to master. It gives Maine hope.

Sigma tracks Gamma to a downed ship and finds Omega as well. When both are "recovered", he leaves the piloting program installed. 

Theta nervously asks why. Sigma replies, "She is not part of us."

~~~~~**~~~~~

Little is left for Maine to hold onto by the time Sigma tracks down South again. She has Delta with her, and the Dome Shield. They don't remember her having that mod, and wonders if she stole it from her sibling some time long before Sigma first found them.

No, it's more likely North willingly gave it over, the softie. Unable to bear her sister's upset at being left out, at having no enhancements and no AI, she would have asked the Director's permission to give over her Dome Shield for South.

It's failing; not enough juice in her armor to hold it for too long, and all Sigma has to do is wait.

It hurts to see Wash in action, but his case files show a tendency for revenge. Maine's guess is confirmed when one of Wash's friends disables South, but they turn on them just as quickly. They fight Sigma, struggles for enough control to keep him from hurting Washington any more than their friend already has been. They stall just long enough for the temporal distortion unit to stutter and fail. Their reward for that is the fire, the same fire that has been consuming them since the day that damned chip was implanted. The burn is too much, and Maine retreats to some far corner of their mind yet untouched by the other broken, hurt and confused AIs in their head.

Sigma doesn't go after South's Dome Shield, or Delta. No one questions why. Maine isn't sure they're capable of questions anymore.

~~~~~**~~~~~

The blue kid isn't one of the Freelancers, so Maine feels no remorse for taking Delta from him. They wouldn't even mind Sigma taking the healing unit from him, but Delta explains in his logical way that "Caboose" will die without the healing unit.

Sigma shouldn't care if he lives, but Theta chimes in that Maine-- that the Meta-- is remarkably resilient and has shown the ability to survive wounds that would kill most any other soldier.

Sigma relents, if only because this is the first time everyone has been something resembling calm. Maine has no tears left to give.

Maine has nothing left to give.

~~~~~**~~~~~

When Sigma advances on Washington for the final time, Maine is barely there anymore. What's left of their mind shatters when the Alpha joins his head and sets the other AI screaming and glitching inside his mind.

The EMP doesn't save them.

There is nothing left to save.

When the Project recovers "Maine", the Counselor tries to interview them, has them write their answers. 

It's their body. The movements are their own.

Everything they write sounds like Sigma. 

The paper tears as they furiously try to scratch out the answers, try to find some semblance of themself in the shaky lettering and black ink. They aren't sure who "themself" is.

Carolina would know. Carolina is missing.

York would know. York is dead.

North would know. North... North would understand. North would help them remember who they were, who they want so desperately to be again.

North is dead.

Their hands run over scars they forgot he had, forgot how they obtained. The suit is being cleaned and refitted; the Director has plans for them. The face in the mirror doesn't look right. Doesn't feel right. The peach fuzz black hair should be shaved. Hasn't been for years. They turn their head to glimpse the tattoo Sigma etched into their skin, the symbol that was supposed to represent the Meta.

Them.

The Counselor's sessions slowly teach them who they are, what they want. To be the strongest. To become whole, stable. To gain power. To collect the AI and armor enhancements from former Freelancers in order to become so. 

That isn't what the Counselor is telling them, but it's what they remember. And as they remember, they forget who Sigma was. Instead realize _they_ are Sigma. They are the Meta.

They are the Meta, and they are incomplete.


End file.
